All Star Draft - I Don't Feel Bad for Kessel Edition

No surprise. (Photo via nhl.com)

This is a couple days late, but really couldn't help myself. Kessel picked last = priceless. This Leafer is soooooo awkward and the weirdest all star in the bunch (Backes a close second...you can't beat up everyone into liking you). Kessel is a social imbecile who would make Ricky Gervais' character in the Office UK blush.

All Star game is today and will be epic. I'm cheering for Team Staal by default since Karlsson is playing for them.

-MP

Same Old 60 + Minutes

It usually breaks around overtime o'clock (photo via papercastlepress.com)

As great as the life and times of the Ottawa Senators have been up to this point in this historic season, I do want to watch this team play. With that said, I'm officially putting Rogers Sportsnet, the Vanier of Canadian sports networks, in the Sin Bin.

If the game is on Sportsnet East, I'm screwed. Yes I do live in Toronto but I'm always forced to watch the game via a terrible stream that is barely viewable.

The network in question offers multiple time shit shift channels that are always blacked out. FREE ADVICE: Do hockey fans a major solid and pony up the dough to get national coverage with the NHL. Your hockey experts are the worse in the hockey macrocosm, with Kyperos taking most of the credit for that (we're cool Mendes). Shame on you Rogers for overcharging me on my monthly bill and giving me this sub par product you call a sports network. FYI broadcasting live video of sports talk radio shows and showing poker games 24/7 gives you zero credibility as a sports provider.

The TSN Highlight Game Recap

Based on the boxscore and a 40 second highlight reel, the Sens held their own. Blown defensive assignments seem to be the reason for the Sabres goals, which should not come to a surprise to any of us. The Sens outshot their opponent for the 246th game in a row, but haven't realized as of yet that low quality shots usually don't find their way to the back of the net. Especially against a cat like Miller.

Kuba is the New Word for Suck, Weak and Everything Else

Happy that Kuba was scratched again last night. Can this continue until his contract runs out?

Overtime Blame Game

A lot of fellow bloggers on the Sensernet are not fans of Mr. Phillips (Big Rig is possibly the worst nickname ever) which is understandable seeing that he kuba-ed all season long. He has made some game changing mistakes in the last 40 games. And all this in his contract year. I'm feeling everyone's frustation with the alternate captain. He hasn't looked the same without Volchenkov.

The overtime winning goal for Buffalo was not his fault. He had his man covered. Then Pominville came to apply more pressure to free the puck off the boards (which he did) while Phillips was already fighting with Vanek. Elsewhere, Karlsson and Michalek were standing around looking at the play develop. We're all aware of what happens when we play sports and become spectators... "Hey what's that? Oh its a Sabres defenseman heading for the net with a head full of steam. Good skater...How did he get the puck?". Game over.

We Are on the Same Page, but Reading From Different Books

How can anyone take this franchise seriously? We have Melnyk speaking somewhat candidly with the Ottawa Sun one day, then No-worry Murray crying to the press the next day saying that he wants to stay on as the grand puba, while claiming that the team is one year away. They've been one year away for 4 years already! Here's the deal: this team needs fresh blood and a new philosophy in the office (a warm body less than 60 years old would be refreshing).

What freaks me out the most has to be this plan that Melnyk spoke about. What do you MEAN you've been working on a plan? A succession plan? A rebuild the roster plan? A I-need-to-stay-away-from-Marc-before-he-hunts-me-down plan? I pray to Alfie's holy ball hair that he's not getting his insider trading fingers into this team's operation. What next? Pierre McGuire as GM? Hahahahaha. That would be the next level of nonsense to bring this team to the lowest degree of ridicule. Get an established seasoned GM or assistant that can pick up the pieces left by the Advisor-in-Waiting and focus on not signing Pavel Bure or Oleg Petrov. Draft it to success. And use the prospect in the system.

-MP

Ottawa Sun Sports Headline Gold - Stank Edition

I try to be somewhat creative with my post titles (I guess you can call them headlines). I've often wondered how the journalistic geniuses at the Ottawa Sun develop their brilliant headlines. This unlimited series will display these life changing nuggets of literary gold as they become available to us unworthy troglodytes.

From the online edition published on January 25th 2010:

Sens’ barn has stench to it

-MP

Ellipsised

(photo via lexirevellian.blogspot.com )

What more can be said? 3 goals in 2 games. 13 goals against in that same span. And Butler, the best Sens forward for the last few games, has been sent down to Bingo...damn.

-MP

Novertime...IN HELL!!!!

This explains so much ( photo via ocregister.com, with minor modifications by me)

1 point. The Sens will take comfort in this point, satisfied with a job somewhat well done. As they try to sleep, the uneasy feeling "of almost there" will keep coming back, swirling in their nightmares and they will suddenly wake up drenched, much like if you were skating over an unfrozen rink. The Number of the Beast appears and that number is 1! Hallowed be thy name Hiller. You are evil and I bow down to you...now you know why he's an all-star.

Khiller

He was on point. He made the timely saves to keep those Ducks in the game. 178 feet away, Elliott did his work better than I've seen him perform in a long ass time. Brian, thanks for stopping pucks since your job is stopping pucks.

Here's a big ole nugget of a fact: the Sens are the ONLY team that haven't won a game in overtime or a shootout this season. Isn't that some shit? I wonder if a team has played 82 games without winning a game in the extra frame and/or shootout?

Only 35 games to go until we find out.

Divine Castration

The 27th ranked team that I root for played, arguably, their most complete game of the season. Winning the battles that let you win games: board play was awesome and the attack was....well...attacking. I'm scratching my beer gut wondering if this Hiller guy is that good or if the Sens are that impotent on offense.

Michaveli

Milan looked awesome last night, driving the net and getting some quality chances. Looks like the knees are back and the dilithium crystal are almost at full capacity. Next on the docket: get those hands back.

His bitch is Alfred. Sorry Bruce.

Butler killed it last night. He looked poised, dominant and had shit tons of chances. Looks like this kid is ready to pop and get some points. Over 18 minutes of ice time and 3 shots (seemed like he had more). BOLD PREDICTION: Ottawa sends Butler back to Binghamton tomorrow, they call him back the next day and return him back 2 hours later. Lehner is called up to fill out Butler's spot, they realise that he's a goaltender, send Lehner back and call up Wick, but he has to wear Butler's jersey. This Bingo shuffle has got to stop.

Site has changed a bit. Don't think it's as tough on the eyes as it was before.

-MP

Stranger Things Have Happened

(Photo via perfumezilla.com)

As I mentioned yesterday, I have no time to do anything. So I decided to contribute some of my cynicism to a fantastic blog called The Cory Clouston Fashion Review.

Every person that reads my blog: "Isn't that a total contradiction, with you confessing that you have no time for your blog but you volunteer to contribute to another blog???" Me: "Yes. Yes it is."

If you haven't checked out the CCFR, you need to check your head. Head on over to http://theccfr.wordpress.com/ and get your subscription on.

In honour of the CCFRers (and for allowing me to spew my nonsense on their blog), I will ask my fiancé to write a fashion review on Cory Clouston (spoiler: she's not impressed).

-MP

Why I Strongly Dislike the Leafs : Reason # 2

This will be a continuing series exploring all the reasons why I loathe the Leafs. There is no logic behind the order because my disdain cannot be ranked

Reason # 2: They continually cancel this parade that is supposed to happen on Yonge street. One day it's on. The next it's off. Annoying.